The Expectations of the Expecting (Not Pregnant) Girl

I feel like I had to add the not pregnant to the title of this post because every time I say "I have news!" or "Guess what?" to people I get "You're pregnant???!?!?!" No. I'm not. And now that we have established that, we can move forward with my ramblings.

It has been, as usual, a crazy few weeks around our house. Work has been so insane for me in that good kind of way. We're selling franchises, mosquito season is here, and it is home show season. I feel so challenged from the franchise sales side and so creative every day writing for the MoJo blog, franchise stuff for Kevin (our CEO) and managing all the social media - it definitely keeps me on my toes. A couple of weeks ago I left work on a Friday afternoon, met James at the gym and we were working out together, then we picked up Mason and grabbed dinner in Town Center of Virginia Beach. Saturday morning we went to the park by our house and came home for lunch and I felt so at peace and so content in this little life. I looked at James and said "I really love my job and I'm really happy." He said "That's awesome, babe. I'm so proud of you." and then I dropped what I thought was the bomb and I told him I was serious, I'm genuinely happy walking in those office doors every single day and I didn't think I could walk away from that.

You're probably thinking why would I walk away from my job? Well, I think (know) we've had it in our heads ever since we got to Virginia that we wouldn't be here longer than four years. We always just kind of assumed that when James fulfilled his contract we'd pack up and head back to North Carolina. That just magnified when I was getting used to James being at sea. I would say over and over "I can't do this by myself for eight or nine months when he deploys. I'll just be happier around my friends and family." Sigh. So you can imagine when you've set yourself up to make something temporary you make it temporary. We haven't really been invested in anything except our careers and we haven't put down any real roots. I digress. Back to the conversation. James looked back at me and dropped the even bigger bomb and said "Well if we're in the honest tree here, I don't want to get out of the Navy." Silence. Thoughts. Pondering. I asked him to tell me why he didn't want to get out. He explained the whole reason we went into this was to better our life and the lives of our children. James has a college degree but always had the intention to use his tuition assistance from the Navy to get his engineering degree. Well, being at sea with mediocre internet (at best) makes it hard to complete classes. School got put on hold with James's crazy schedule. He explained after his 2015 deployment he'll rotate onto shore duty. Aka - not at sea. Desk job. Classwork. Normal hours. All that jazz. If he got out now he isn't really sure what he would do career-wise why he would be any more marketable than he was when he went into the Navy.

Here we were, communicating like normal married adults and finding ourselves in this weird limbo which was SO CRAZY. Why did we feel like we were doing something wrong by wanting to stay in Virginia? What was weird about that? Expectations, friends. That's what was weird about it, expectations. The expectation was we'd go back to North Carolina and when we deviated from that and the picture looked different - it felt weird and I immediately wasn't in my comfort zone. Don't we all do that though? I've been thinking a lot about this the past few days. I've struggled a lot in my personal life with managing expectations whether it is dealing with my Dad's alcoholism, my parent's divorce, my husband's presence in our daily life, birthday parties, Mason's daycare, or even things like day to day simplicities of who is taking the trash out. When something looks different than we thought it would it sure can get us off of our rockers for a moment, a day, or hell even years.

I used to be so horrible about something turning out differently than it was supposed to, ask my mom. You couldn't tell me anything when I was little unless you damn sure knew it was happening because I would get super upset. Even something simple like "We're going to Applebee's for dinner" and then later something came up and we didn't, I didn't bounce back. (Sorry Mom, Applebee's was just so delicious.) Into my adult years I've had lots of things that have helped me through that. The military is the biggest. My life doesn't look at all what I thought it would when I saw James waiting at the end of the aisle for me on our wedding day. I thought we'd raise our family in Raleigh and he'd be home every day at 5pm and birds would chip, the sun would shine and it would be perfect and easy. Ha, here I'll insert the saying make God laugh by telling him your plans. 

I thought I had gotten so good at managing those pesky expectations in my adult years, but I'm still learning, even today. I'm not looking so far down the road anymore. Who knows what we'll decide to do in four or five years? We don't. Because we don't have to and THAT has been such a weight off. I didn't realize how hard it had been on us or how much energy it was taking to live in that temporary state of mind. So, lovely friends who are still reading this wicked long blog post, I'm sending you some words of wisdom for this lovely Thursday morning. Set expectations for yourself and no one else. Don't let other peoples' decisions affect you, your life, or even an hour of your day. I say to James sometimes "Keep your expectations low and you won't get disappointed." That can come across as extremely negative but I don't mean it to be. I just mean your life becomes a lot more free to be lived when you are solely worrying about you. That's what we're doing. We REALLY feel like adults now with our mortgage broker and realtor and we're making a few small steps towards planting a couple of seeds in Virginia Beach.

Speaking of growing, my little nugget is twenty months old tomorrow! My mom sent him a huge Easter package yesterday and I texted her on my way home from work "Is there chocolate in this box? I need to know what I'm up against." She did not answer and there were indeed Cadbury Eggs (for ME) and he saw them. Below is what proceeded to happen.

He continues to be my little mini me more and more everyday. He even loves Cadbury Eggs like I do. Although I'm not even sure I could take one down in two bites. He is going to the circus this weekend with Gigi and Granddaddy and I am sure he will love it because he'll get to see all the animals, people flying through the air, and his grandparents and Dad will probably have a hard time denying him cotton candy!! (You guys can have fun with that sugar high!)

PS - this is Mason's school picture from this year. I can't look at it without laughing because it is so ridiculous in the best way possible. 19 months old and such a stud.

Where ever this weekend is taking you I hope it is a beautiful one. I am flying out tomorrow to Las Vegas with my best friend Alison so I'd certainly welcome prayers for safe travels. I'd also welcome them for me not completely losing it at the Tim McGraw/Faith Hill Soul II Soul concert at the Venetian tomorrow evening. We've got such an amazing weekend ahead of us, shows, road trips to the Hoover Dam and Red Rock Canyon, and Elton John show, and I fully plan on eating my way down the strip. For those of you shocked I'm going to Red Rock Canyon...here is the conversation between me and Alison last night. (I'm the gray messages) Unless there is a beach and a boat the wild outdoors aren't really my thing ;)

Stay tuned for a recap of my trip and photos on the blog next week! Also say a prayer for James and the Roosevelt as they are out at sea and making their way home. Always hoping for smooth seas for them...

Hope you have a weekend of low expectations,
Jules xoxo