On the Eve of Change...and Getting Old.

Thirty used to seem so old to me. As I inched closer and closer to actually turning thirty it never really bothered me, but it did make me stop and wonder how it all happened so fast. I never thought on the eve of this birthday I would be where I am (physically and emotionally), staring down a deployment (or let's be serious, in a military relationship at all) But now, just like that - it's tomorrow. Not only am I on the verge of a new decade, I'm on the verge of some pretty big changes at home (duh) so it seems more monumental than it normally would.  When I was lying in bed last night it also got me thinking about what I learned in my twenties. Turns out...it was a lot.

1. Their perfect isn't your perfect. Just because something else makes someone happy doesn't mean it has to look like that for you. And by the way, perfect is a dangerous word. 
2. Don't be afraid to take risks. When I was twenty eight I took a chance at a small start up company. I really couldn't explain why, but it felt right. It didn't pay nearly what we needed at the time for our growing family, but with James's support I took the job. It is in my top five of greatest decisions I've ever made. I'm the nerd who enjoys coming into work, the hard work paid off and I'm a part of a growing company that is now nationwide. I get to do what makes
   
   me happy everyday and I love the people I work with. Also, when I married James he had a 8-5 desk job where he safely returned to me each evening on time and the longest I had gone without him was maybe week. But when he came to me and said he wanted to go into the military it was by far the SCARIEST thing we had ever done (until that positive pregnancy test showed up) but we jumped. The Navy has taught me more about myself as a woman, wife and mother than I ever thought it could (not to mention it led James to what makes him happy everyday) So, if it feels right - take the risk. This one leads me into the next lesson. 
3. You aren't supposed to accomplish all of your goals in your twenties, or thirties or maybe even forties. I used to laugh at my mom because she would always say she didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up. I totally get that now. There's SO MUCH I want to do and I'm lucky that I found what I want to be when I grow up, but I've got enough of that life experience now that I know this decade is going to be a good one for getting some shit done ;)
4. You don't have to marry a decision. A very wise woman once told me this and I use it almost daily. What feels right today might not feel right next year - so make the decision that is right for you in that moment, but know it doesn't have to be permanent. This helps me in almost every facet of my life. I still have to make myself stop worrying about what something might look like in a year. 
5. Fall in love, but don't lose yourself. My early twenties includes a broken engagement and for the longest time that was a source of hurt, embarrassment and just overall yuck in my life. It took a long time for me to realize that I lost such a big part of myself in what was not a great relationship to begin with. I don't think you can tell anyone in their early twenties anything about love because they think they know it all, but I wish I had remembered who I was at my core. If you have to give up some part of yourself to make someone love you - it isn't worth it, and in the end, it won't make them stay. It doesn't embarrass me anymore that it happened - in some weird ways I'm grateful because the woman James has today is 100% someone that I am so proud to be. It also taught me that failure comes in lots of forms, but you'll get through it, and you'll probably look back and be grateful that it happened. (It's okay if that takes a really, really long time.)
6. Marriage is hard, and so much better than I ever thought it would be. But really, its hard. Marry your best friend, then you get to go through the hard stuff with someone who makes you laugh.
7. Get on the airplane. I always wonder what would have happened if my mom let me cry my way
   
   out of getting on the airplane to London the summer I was twenty one years old, but she didn't and I'm so grateful. 
8. Spend extra money for quality shoes. Trust me.
9. Motherhood changes every single part of who you are. Mason Eldridge Green turned my world upside down and he teaches me something everyday. I love seeing things through his eyes. I love lying by his bed and staring at his ears, nose, fingers and wondering how James and I got something so right. But then he'll fart on me and laugh a huge, deep belly laugh and I'm reminded how weird boys really are. 
10. And finally, just breathe. You won't ever have it all figured out, so enjoy the ride. Bad days come, but you've survived them all so you'll survive the rest that come your way, too. 

I'm so excited to see what the next thirty years have in store and the lessons I'll learn long the way. Isn't that the great thing about life? We have the ability to stumble, fall, get back up and start over. I think that encompasses our twenties, doesn't it? We're too naive to realize we don't have it all figured out and everyone still gives us the flexibility to be young and stupid. I told someone in high school not too long ago that those were nowhere near the best years of her life. She of course, didn't believe me - but man are your twenties fun. If only that hangovers only lasted a morning. I know I'm old when a night out drinking takes the same amount of time as minor surgery to recover. Thanks, thirty.

We had an amazing weekend last weekend in Dunn visiting with family and friends and spending some quality time together. All the Greens were in one place for the first time in a long time and it was perfection. The cousins played together, James got to hang out in the backyard with his brothers - I think it was good for everyone's soul before he sails off into the big blue ocean. 

Tomorrow, my Dad, Laura, Aunt Annie, Uncle Will and Sophie are all traveling to Virginia to help me celebrate the big 3-0 and I can't wait for them all to be here.  I'm so grateful James will be here to help me blow out the candles. I'm going to New York with my best friends later this month so I can't really ask for much more. 

This is the last weekend I'll spend with my James Howard for a long time, the media has released the date so I can tell you he's leaving very early on Monday morning. So while I'm so excited about this weekend I'm also dreading it at the same time. I asked James last night how I was going to make it through almost a year without touching his face or holding his hand. He replied he wasn't sure, but we'd tackle it like we did everything else...together.

I'll post his address soon on the Roosevelt so you can all send him some love while he's gone. Mail call is the best part of any day when they call your name. You've all been so amazing with your calls, texts and emails asking how we're holding up. We're taking it one day at a time, it is all we can do for now. 

Until next time,

Jules xoxo