You Can Do Anything Two Times, Right?

Oh my blog. My sweet, (most of the time) happy, not updated blog. I have been avoiding you for the past few (okay many) weeks as I try and sort some feelings out, but here you are. Patient and waiting - a blank canvas for me to update all my sweet family and friends who keep coming back to keep up with this crazy journey of ours. It isn't because of how busy we've been that I haven't updated, although we have been very busy. I was alerted by someone very wise last week that I was avoiding the blog and topic of deployment to...well, avoid deployment.

I confess, this is very true. But, as it turns out, this deployment thing is hard to avoid. The first two months flew by and I sat back and thought "Man, I can do this. I got this." and I let myself free float out of protection mode and into automatic pilot. And while I do in fact "got this," I hit a wall a few weeks ago. I find myself feeling very lucky because I have a job I adore and an insane two and a half year old that keep me busy - very, very busy. From the time Mason wakes up in the morning until I lay down at night my days are full. Of course, I think about James ALL the time, but I'm going 100mph. I'm distracted. And for the first couple of months I was putting Mason to bed and finding anything and everything to do to NOT stop moving (aka thinking). You would think my house would be spotless, right? Ha. I wish. Turns out my after hour distractions do not include cleaning!  Or laundry! I digress. Anyway, so James writes a letter to me because I love his letters and he starts telling me all the things he misses about me. He misses earrings not making it to the jewelry box, Diet Pepsi cans all over the house, and the string of clothes on the floor that stretches from our bedroom door all the way to the shower. (He must love me if he is to the point of missing my

annoying habits) But in the letter he asked me, "What do you miss most about me?" I read this, folded the letter up and went about distracting myself. This nagged at me for a week. I would find myself thinking about it driving, in the shower, on my lunch break. What did I miss most? I came home one evening and after getting Mason to bed I poured a glass of wine and revisited the letter. What did I miss most? I came to my answer, got out a pen and a paper to write him a letter back - and the flood gates opened. Thankfully I have an amazing sister who sits on the phone with me and lets me ugly cry my way through the first "I miss him so much I am physically hurting" night and then has me laughing hysterically by the end of the conversation - but it happened, and it passed.

If you're wondering what I miss most - to answer the big question - it is being his wife. The quiet moments in the evenings that are spent with my legs draped over his on the couch while I'm on my iPad and he's watching a horrible military movie, waking up in the night and hearing his slow steady breathing, and cooking dinner at the stove when he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and sneaks food off the counter. I know, I'm kind of cheating because that's more than one

thing - but turns out all those combine to be one big hole that's missing these days. It isn't overly fun to think about (especially when you have six months left) and I didn't even make it through the letter that night. But, a conversation with the wise person happened (anyone figured out its my therapist?) and she said "Well have you blogged about it?"And I answered that of course not this was SO personal. (Even I am rolling my eyes now) She then rolled her eyes (so much eye rolling) and reminded me that writing is cathartic for me and maybe I should consider it. So here I am, deleting and re-writing and inserting and copying and pasting my way through a really hard blog post. That's life though, right? Trying to delete, trying to re-write and trying to copy and paste things so they look really pretty when in fact, life sometimes just isn't really pretty. Some days are good, and some days are rough, but yesterday was three months and Mason and I really are doing awesome. I feel really blessed that I found James and I have this love to miss - even if he comes with a side of deployment, because he really is the greatest person I know.

I also remind myself that I get the gift of Mason and all of his shenanigans daily, because James doesn't get that luxury right now and I can't even imagine what that must be like so please, please keep him in your prayers. As hard as his day to day duties are, being 7,000 away from home weighs on him. We've made it three months which is one third, so I keep telling him we can do this two more times. You can do anything two times, right? In spite of the rough patch, we've had a beautiful few weeks spending time on the beach, visiting family and friends for Memorial Day weekend and just enjoying this special time together. Mason remains a hot mess and makes my life entertaining, ridiculous and gives me the complete front row view to what it was like raising me. He is my mini me. He is now emptying wipes onto the floor because I am not paying any attention to him so it is time to end this post, go pour another glass of wine and put Julie Jr. to bed. Thanks for reading along, thanks for keeping us in your prayers and thanks for being the greatest support system in the Navy. Our guest room is open and the beach is beautiful, come visit ;) 

Until next time (which I promise will be more Mason shenanigans and less deployment...maybe), because the next blog post is going to have picture of all the house updates I've made. So many deployment projects. SO MANY.

Jules and Mason

xoxo