Where You Go, I Will Go
When James and I got married, we exchanged a small gift on our wedding day and of course letters to each other. I remember sitting down at the kitchen table with our journal, watching the rain and trying to find the words that conveyed everything that was in my heart that morning. This scripture made it's way into the letter...
"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." Ruth 1:16
It was a beautiful promise on that day, but this scripture has carried me into different seasons in my life. This became SO true as we transitioned into our military lifestyle. I mean come on, I have DEFINITELY gone where he's gone. (Many, many times.) But this morning I woke up and Mason was standing by my bed with a microphone and the guitar hero guitar and he was singing Tim McGraw. Very loudly. I pushed the button on my phone to check the time and it was 6:45am on March 9. March 9, here you are again. I closed my eyes and thought about how one year ago was the first morning I woke up and rolled over to an empty bed. It was the first day he was officially deployed and the first time I caught my breath and wondered if I could really do it.
Yet here I was this morning, 365 days later, still breathing and finding it very hard to ignore Mason belting the lyrics "Don't make a difference to me baby where the wind takes me, long as i'm with you GIRL" with a strong point my way on the word girl. (Totally my child.) It was also hard to ignore the fact that it has been a year since my husband left. One year! Can you imagine not being with your person for a year? Some of you reading this are fellow spouses and are nodding your head saying, yes girl! And some of you are shaking your head going "I could never do that." Trust me, there are days I don't want to (and feel like I can't) do this either. But you know what scripture popped into my head when I sat down at my desk this morning as I once again wondered if I'd make it to April? I was thinking about the anniversary of his leaving, the other anniversaries or dates we recognize or celebrate and I thought of Ruth.
The book of Ruth is the story of girl who trusted God with the unknown. We've had quite a bit of unknown in our house over the past year and not just with the deployment. While keeping love afloat on an ocean that is between you is a task in itself, we also had family issues to address together, losses, really happy moments to celebrate together (that's weird to do when you aren't in the same room!) and raise Mason together....all over email and broken connection phone calls. While I'm so excited to have my guy back home to tackle the easy, hard and everything in between, having him home will be a welcome change but definitely a huge transition. It will be more unknown as I learn how to let go and not juggle all the balls myself, hand over some reins and help him transition him back into the daily routine. The daily grind of careers, marriage, parenting, hopefully adding to our beautiful family, all these big and small decisions all come back under one roof and while I'm so ready, we both know there's work ahead. As someone who is the ultimate planner (and struggles with a fair amount of anxiety when I feel like I DON'T have control over something), the Navy continues to teach me patience and trusting that it's all going to work out. It always has, hasn't it? Just like Ruth trusted God with who she was turning into, her place in that chaotic world and the the next chapter in the story, I'm remembering to give myself Grace and know that just like Ruth - with a little (or a lot) of faith, the new seasons will lead to the most beautiful places. It just might not be on my timeline.
"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." Ruth 1:16
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| Before we dropped James at the ship for his deployment. |
Yet here I was this morning, 365 days later, still breathing and finding it very hard to ignore Mason belting the lyrics "Don't make a difference to me baby where the wind takes me, long as i'm with you GIRL" with a strong point my way on the word girl. (Totally my child.) It was also hard to ignore the fact that it has been a year since my husband left. One year! Can you imagine not being with your person for a year? Some of you reading this are fellow spouses and are nodding your head saying, yes girl! And some of you are shaking your head going "I could never do that." Trust me, there are days I don't want to (and feel like I can't) do this either. But you know what scripture popped into my head when I sat down at my desk this morning as I once again wondered if I'd make it to April? I was thinking about the anniversary of his leaving, the other anniversaries or dates we recognize or celebrate and I thought of Ruth.
The book of Ruth is the story of girl who trusted God with the unknown. We've had quite a bit of unknown in our house over the past year and not just with the deployment. While keeping love afloat on an ocean that is between you is a task in itself, we also had family issues to address together, losses, really happy moments to celebrate together (that's weird to do when you aren't in the same room!) and raise Mason together....all over email and broken connection phone calls. While I'm so excited to have my guy back home to tackle the easy, hard and everything in between, having him home will be a welcome change but definitely a huge transition. It will be more unknown as I learn how to let go and not juggle all the balls myself, hand over some reins and help him transition him back into the daily routine. The daily grind of careers, marriage, parenting, hopefully adding to our beautiful family, all these big and small decisions all come back under one roof and while I'm so ready, we both know there's work ahead. As someone who is the ultimate planner (and struggles with a fair amount of anxiety when I feel like I DON'T have control over something), the Navy continues to teach me patience and trusting that it's all going to work out. It always has, hasn't it? Just like Ruth trusted God with who she was turning into, her place in that chaotic world and the the next chapter in the story, I'm remembering to give myself Grace and know that just like Ruth - with a little (or a lot) of faith, the new seasons will lead to the most beautiful places. It just might not be on my timeline.
Whatever season you're walking through, whether it's an unexpected one like health issues with a family member, a very expected one like raising little humans, or maybe a season you weren't expecting to ever walk through - while it sounds cliche, having faith in God first and then second...don't forget to have faith in yourself, too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to every single one of you who has ever at any point over the past year called me to check in, showed up on my doorstep with wine, showed up on my doorstep to help with my child, and prayed for us. The light's getting brighter and the season's are changing, but we feel God's grace, your grace and love and the never ending song of a three year old reminding us that no matter where the wind takes us, as long as we're together it'll all be okay.
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